Stolen straight from andrewsullivan.com

THE SIMPSONS ON SOCCER: A reader kindly sent me the following Simpsons transcript on soccer. More eloquent than I:

TV Announcer: The Continental Soccer Association is coming to Springfield! It's all here--fast-kicking, low scoring, and ties? You bet!
Bart: Hey, Homer, how come you've never taken us to see a soccer game?
Homer: I...don't know.
TV Announcer: You'll see all your favorite soccer stars. Like Ariaga! Ariaga II! Bariaga! Aruglia! And Pizzoza!
Homer: Oh, I never heard of those people.
TV Announcer: And they'll all be signing autographs!
Homer: Woo-hoo!
TV Announcer: This match will determine once and for all which nation is the greatest on earth: Mexico or Portugal!