March 24, 2004
It's today. On the subway, there's a stray yellowjacket, he's far from the hive, and unlike the A train pigeons, this little fellow is not going to make it home.
Only half the people on the car have noticed the bee, which has landed on the shoe of an oblivious romance-novel reader. Equally oblivious, the bee starts to crawl up her leg. A man leans over and says, ma'am, there's a bee in your pants. She ignores him until I say, lady, no shit, you've got bees, and then she shakes her leg violently. It's the wrong leg she's shaking, but the bee flies out anyway.
The train pulls into the Wall Street stop, and an expensive suit flattens the bee with his New York Post. The Post's cover is a mugshot of Bin Laden, and now there's a snotty trail across Bin Laden's face, a smear of that stuff that's inside bees. The guy drops the newspaper right there on the subway seat and gets off the train.
Only then do I realize, hey, it's spring!
Posted by kevin slavin at March 24, 2004 11:53 AM
favorite and least favorite signs of spring:
the crack of the bat
ants in the kitchen
Bees and ants won't be able to get a table in this town this spring and summer. Brood X (the so-called "Big Brood") cicadas will be emerging from their 17-year slumber all across the East.
I remember mountain biking in Staten Island's greenbelt during the last cicada-fest, circa 1996. The fuckers blanketed the ground; it was late in their cycle and most were lethargic, lolling on the forest floor. A good many were still spritely, though. They are bigger than you imagine, and have some real weight when you run into them on your bike.
I'm not quite sure why I say this, but I'm predicting this to be one of the posts that attracts knuckleheads worldwide.
It's your fault for including "bin Laden," "New York Post," "subway," "bees," "Wall Street," "romance-novel," and "It's spring" in the same posting. And now that "crack," "fuckers," and "Staten Island" have been added, the real weirdos are on their way.